I have recently gone through a not so grand session of being homeless. Along without having a home includes lack of materials including my studio, paints, brushes and canvases. Oh yeah... and a bed. It was almost 13 degrees out last night when I slept in my car which I do not even own a pair of keys to... it took prayer to bring even a moment for me to fall asleep. Ice glazed over every window, not nearly enough clothing and of course no blanket, I have not ever in my life felt such a bitter and painful freeze in my fingers and most important my toes.
I slowly felt the numbness from my toes crawl up my ankles then shins and I began to get even more worried about my health and if I would ever fall asleep for even an hour that night and the next... thinking also how I got through the previous nights.
What to do? What did I learn? Why was I hear, and by hear, I mean lost and located in the city of "nowhere". Friends and family are not a good thing, but a great thing that provide love and influence... two major pillars in thinking and eventually putting together a work of art. I missed my home and what was held in my studio, but thought that this was and will be, a great learning lesson. Learning about warmth and comfort of course, but for me, the most interesting and dare I say "coolest" part of living on the streets and like a gypsy was that I had finally become something I had always appreciated: A Beatnik!
Living this Beat lifestyle is one of harsh conditions where you come across many times when you bum cig's, or even pick up a burning one off the ground because you do not even have a lighter to light it. Yes, it does sound gross and third world, but that is the life of a Beatnik... on the edge, the very furthest edge. Many may die in the process but I realized that I always had a bed and a pack of cig's at home waiting for me. Oh yeah, did I mention food? Because not for nothing, in three days (this is a fact) I had eaten one half of a buttered roll which was given to me for free from a local deli that I would be able to walk to in this fucking freezing conditions outdoors. Along with the half or a roll (the other half I shared with someone in exchange for maybe a sip of beer or a cig, because that is how the system works) I had one half container of white rice. That is it, it really is the truth.
Now if you are reading this and asking about a job and school, well I could not get to work without a car and my final semester of school begins in two months. As well as my job getting slower and slower and eventually having to get let go due to lack of customers in the restaurant.
On top of all these things I did not have was a cellular phone. It was knocked out of my hands by a friend who was trying to give me a high five and shattered. So now without any quarters or any numbers memorized in my head... how am I supposed to do anything dealing with communication. My best bet was to head to a local place where I knew where people/friends of mine would be. So I went to a bar, like I spoke of in my previous post about the importance of meeting and communicating with people.
All of this is so serious and cannot be fully understood or felt unless you are put through it. It has made me appreciate so much and one of the most important of these was my Art and my Music.
I now have actual content of struggle and suffering to input into my work that will not be forgotten.
